This week at the movies— a whole bunch of hot messes… and Steve Jobs. Bill Murray, Vin Diesel, Juliette Lewis, and some random CGI ghosts star in flicks that never should have progressed past the elevator pitch. Meanwhile, Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of Steve Jobs goes into wide release.
Rock the Kasbah
Bill Murray is awesome. This is an irrefutable fact. In Rock the Kasbah, he plays a rock manager who travels with a ragtag bunch of singers to the Middle East (including one Zoe Deschanel) to perform for the soldiers stationed out there. While in the desert, he hears a young Arab woman who is the best singer he’s ever heard and wants to make her famous via Afghanistan’s version of American Idol. Hijinks of some kind ensue. Also starring: Kate Hudson, Bruce Willis, Scott Caan, and more.
Perfect For: Bill Murray fans. Really, really die-hard Bill Murray fans.
What the Critics Say: Bill Murray is awesome (irrefutable fact, remember), but the movie is a hot mess. Writes the AP: “The movie wants to be both glib and emotionally resonant, but it can't seem to figure out what the stakes are -- even as people are getting shot.” And says the SF Chronicle: “Murray does his best to hold up the movie, but there's only so much he can do. Ultimately, his latest fish out of water never makes it back upstream.”
Our Take: We love Bill Murray, but this doesn’t sound like his best effort.
Jem and the Holograms
The adored cartoon gets an adaptation, one that looks suspiciously familiar. Here, an unknown pop star (Aubrey Peeples) gets a shot at the big time; a vulture, in the form of a record label boss (Juliette Lewis) swoops in to “save” the day. Stardom and fame are achieved, but at a cost. Yes, Virginia, we’ve been here before.
Perfect For: Fans of the cartoon will be disappointed, but those who want a teen music drama that happens to have a familiar name might be satisfied.
What the Critics Say: Few have reviewed, but those who have give it a thumbs down. Writes the A.V. Club: “Made on the cheap, the live-action adaptation of the popular ’80s cartoon Jem And The Holograms often resembles a mockbuster of itself, perhaps titled Jam And The Horoglams and distributed directly to gas stations.”
Our Take: Could be a good bet if you’ve got a bored tween on your hands.
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
Remember when Paranormal Activity came out and it was exciting and new and fresh and super creepy? Yeah, that was a long time ago. In the eleventy millionth iteration of the series, a family moves into a house (we bet you’ll never guess the plot) and watches old movies left by the previous owners of the house who appear to be having a séance, which seems to unleash ghosts. I know; it’s a shocking turn of events. It’s a Paranormal Activity movie featuring a haunted house! And possessed children! No way.
Perfect For: Paranormal Activity groupies. And perhaps people who want to know all the plot points of movies before they go? People who like not-very-scary, scary movies?
What the Critics Say: There are no reviews. I guess they’ve all been spooked!
Our Take: Looks like it’s only for those who just have to see every single Paranormal Activity that exists. The rest of us can re-watch The Exorcist and will not be able to sleep for weeks.
Steve Jobs
There’s already been one stab at the story of Steve Jobs, the Apple cofounder and enigmatic leader who died just a few years ago. But this one is starring one of the greatest actors of our time, Michael Fassbender (instead of the other film’s lead, Ashton Kutcher) as Jobs. Directed by Oscar-winner Danny Boyle (of Slumdog Millionaire fame), written by Aaron Sorkin (The Newsroom, The Social Network), and co-starring Seth Rogen as Steve Wozniak and Kate Winslet as Joanna Hoffman, it’s an all-star cast for one of the most compelling figures of the century.
Perfect For: You’re an Apple Superfan, and love true stories. Also: Michael Fassbender is amazing.
What the Critics Say: As awesome as the Apple creator was. Says Rolling Stone: “Written, directed and acted to perfection, and so fresh and startling in conception and execution that it leaves you awed. Fassbender rips through the role of the volcanic Jobs. Is he really that good? Hell, yeah.” And, writes, the New York Times: “It is a formally audacious, intellectually energized entertainment, a powerful challenge to the lazy conventions of Hollywood storytelling and a feast for connoisseurs of contemporary screen acting.”
Our Take: We’ll be first in line.